Out of Tune with Domesticity
Archive for January, 2009
Salmonella and Mercury Sandwich, Anyone?
Jan 30th
Most people feel like they’re good at their job. Moms have it different, though. For the most part.
We get things shoved at us daily that tell us how to raise better, smarter, more well rounded children. And do you know what that means? It means you get things shoved at you daily that let you know what you aren’t doing. Moreover, what you aren’t doing right. Do this, don’t do that; above all else, do NOT, for fear of forever stunting your child’s emotional or physical growth, do XYZ. So we don’t. So we do. And we feel guilty for it.
And now there’s this whole huge food controversy. As if I didn’t feel bad enough already for the amount of sugar that probably enters my toddler’s mouth, something as sacred as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich has become toxic. Salmonella in the peanut butter and wouldn’t you know, mercury in the jam.
I might as well become a peanut butter farmer and jam maker. I’ll add those to all the other hats I wear, and in the meantime I’ll try to feel good about it.
Winter day
Jan 27th
Today was nice. My husband, is amazing. He worked from home today so I could have a little relief. Just having him here, in the same space — awake — was great. I’m sick. And now Adrien’s sick…although it seems like I don’t have a fraction of what he has. I’m just a little achy with a tiny throat irritation. I think he might have croup — for the first time ever. I’m hearing his cough as he’s sleeping tonight and I think someone switched a seal pup out for my son. Thank goodness he doesn’t smell like dead fish, though.
I watched 17 Kids and Counting earlier. Does anyone else watch that show? I find their naivety strangely refreshing and very genuine in some way. They visited San Francisco and wandered into a head shop. Looking at all the pipes and bongs in a glass case, Jim Bob (yes, that’s his name — no joke!) remarked Look at that funny glassware or something. To not know what a pipe is? I mean, seriously. That’s great tv.
An ice storm’s just pulled into town. I can hear the sleet outside. Maybe it will work in my favor and Andi can work from home tomorrow More >
Saving the world
Jan 27th
You can’t save the world every day. It’s that simple.
It’s that complicated.
Overwhelmed with everything today, I just burst into tears when my husband came home from his day job. I’m not feeling well as it is, and well..I’m just not feeling well in the broadest sense of the word. Physically, emotionally, mentally; I’m just drained. I’m giving out. I’ve gave out. Literally.
Some people are givers; others takers. And I think, for the most part, I’ve been on the giving side for the greater part of my life. I’ve given parts of my life to others to try to make theirs better. I spent the better part of my early childhood trying to put out fires between my mother and father. And yet, here I am with a shakey relationship with my mom and absolutely no relationship with my dad. I should have just went on with my business and been that four year old. I remember my mom always bragging about how I was wise beyond my years. I wish I wasn’t. So I’ve just had enough. Of everything. And today I broke down…a little, anyway.
It was 4:45pm and my 2 year had not napped all day. The high point More >
Saving Face
Jan 25th
Church today was fantastic. I mean, anything that opens up with Jump by Van Halen is amazing. Am I right? What? You don’t sing Van Halen at your church? Well you should. Because it was amazing. The contemporary worship service is doing a music series. The first week they used music from The Beatles. I’m sure you can imagine how I felt about that; they opened that week with Hey, Jude. Last week was country music — which we missed — and this week was 80s power ballad week. The music was wonderful and moving. The sort that, even as a Presbyterian turned soon to be Methodist, makes you want to put your hands in the air to recieve God…And no, not all of it was Van Halen. There was a Mr. Roboto version of the song I am free by the Newsboys. It was great. The sermon was on the prodigal son…how we should be prodigal with our love.
But speaking of raising your hand in church as a Presbyterian turned soon to be Methodist…you just don’t do that sort of thing. As a general rule, as a Presbyterian anyway, if you feel any sort of inclination to do such a charismatic More >
Planned for
Jan 23rd
I was going to blog about something else entirely, but something profound happened.
God spoke to me. And I think, for the first time, I actually heard.
I was sitting on the couch, Jude in my arms fast asleep…Adrien laying besides me, also sleeping. My mind was a million miles away, somewhere in the expanse of nothingness. You know, that sort of distant point you reach when you’re not really thinking about anything, and yet you’re thinking about absolutely everything all at once? Maybe you don’t. But my mind frequents that place. So there I was, in nowhere land, and I got a peace. I’d felt it coming as I sat with Adrien falling asleep beside me; wearily he was asking all sorts of questions that children do. His eyes were heavy, but he was so especially interested in what was on TV, that he said he wanted to go get herbs…and another baby to sleep in his bed. I don’t know where the second thing came from, but the herbs were from a cooking show.
So there we sat, and I was in my place, and Adrien was in his. Jude was in his favorite place: my arms…and God spoke.
I have More >