Nothing huge on my mind, really. Well, lots of little things. One big thing: my stepdad’s cancer seems to be on its way into remission. We’ve gone, surprisingly enough, from a pretty grim prognosis to one of hope. This past week was his fifth round of chemo, and the staging they did beforehand found that his brain tumor had shrank to the point it isn’t even measurable and the tumor in his chest has receded out of his lung. In three weeks he’ll undergo his final round of chemo (this time). The doctor said sometimes it stops growing for 6 weeks; sometimes it stops for a year or more. Either way, we’re getting more time. And that’s great.

I’ve decided to do a baby-weight boot camp in October. It’s $120 for the month and that covers two early-morning (yikes, I’m not a morning person) sessions per week. It’s being put on by an acquaintance from MOPS and my UMW circle (Mothers of Preschoolers and United Methodist Women, respectively). She had her second baby in May and was prancing around in a bikini at our MOPS end of summer party. I loathe her. But not really. I just wish I had her body — she’s actually great! So we’ll see. I’ve been wanting to get in shape for a long time. I actually want to get back to the point I was when I was younger and could compete athletically in running, etc. I’ve always had a knack for “adventure”. I’m really wanting to eventually — maybe — do adventure racing. I know, ohmygawd, what am I thinking?! But, yes. I’d love to do that kind of thing. I actually think about it quite a bit. I just don’t mention it because, hey, have you seen me lately? Probably not, because you’re in internet land. But it ain’t pretty.

Another random thing: EC. Or elimination communication. And before you string me up and burn me at the crunchy stake, hear me out: the lady who bought my remaining diapers off of Craig’s List had her two year old son with her (ten days older than Jude). She told me he’d been potty trained since he was 6 months old. That’s crazy! I know it’s possible, and I’m not even shooting for that. I remember getting flack for attempting to potty-learn Adrien when he was about 15 months. People were telling me that “any kid will go if you take their diaper off.” Ya. So. Take your kid’s diaper off more often! But I digress…this thought has always sort of crossed my mind. The fact that you can teach your child to use something other than a diaper to eliminate waste early on. Jude was sort of impossible. He was going like 10-15 times a day (that’s poo, y’all) for the longest. I mean, up until he was over a year old. It was like diapering a newborn. There were no patterns. That’s because his body was in a constant state of reaction to nearly everything I was eating. And he’s just go. All the time. I’m still wondering how I’m going to get him potty-learned. Because some days he poops constantly.

But would I be a total weirdo if I did this with Evie? My first reaction is that I do not have the time. I mean, I can’t even pick my nose without a kid getting in on the action. Really. I do not pee alone, I do not eat alone. Most nights, I don’t even sleep alone. And by alone, I mean in the bed with my husband only. I was on the phone with my Mom the other day and mentioned the lady who had bought my diapers. Her first reaction was not a good one. She dismissed the woman and crazy.

How can he be potty trained at 6 months when he can’t even walk?!

But at the same time, my Mom swears I was potty trained by the time I was a year old. Tell me there wasn’t some EC going on there. Tell me. I’m hanging on the verge here of spending quite a little chunk on diapering. And while I know I’ve got to be realistic: Evie is going to need diapers. Jude will need diapers. Is it possible that I could even reduce the number of cloth diapers I need if I just implement a few simple EC techniques?

An acquaintance left over from the Mommy Group days explained it in an easy, not so scary way. She told me:
You can do it. I mean, you’re going to change her diaper anyway, right? Take an extra 30 seconds while she’s nakey to set her on the potty. Or if she’s been dry a while, see if she wants to potty. You don’t have to do it w/ every diaper change, and you don’t even have to offer every day. Just keep the communication open to let her know there’s an alternative to diapers. It doesn’t have to be 100% to be effective. And really, even people who do it full-time don’t do it 100% b/c even they have occasional misses. Anything that happens to go in the potty is one less diaper to change, and anything that goes in the diaper is just a diaper you would be changing anyway if you weren’t doing EC at all. It totally doesn’t have to be stressful at all.

So, I dunno. Why not? Why? What do you think?

And then, of course, I’ve had fluff on my mind. Which diapers to order. Which covers. How much it’ll cost me. Do I want to settle for cheaper (ridiculously cheap, some) diapers that may or may not be made in a sweatshop (but work just the same, if not better) than some of the more expensive brands? Or do I shell out for something that is more expensive and essentially does the same thing: catch excrement?

I dunno.

I’m super happy this is a long weekend. you?

It’s been pretty rainy around these parts the last few days. The Earth needs the rain, and for the most part it’s given us a break from the sweltering temperatures…although it’s now humid.

Jude has had diarrhea all week, and I think that’s finally coming to an end. The constant poop has resulted in an awful rash that ate at least a layer of skin off. The poor kid couldn’t even sit down in a warm bath a few days ago because it was too painful. I hate food allergies. And all of this because I decided to let him have a little pizza (about 3 bites), some chex mix (quite a bit) and some cake at a birthday party Saturday. [Insert Mommy guilt here]

So now it’s Friday and thank goodness it is. My mother in law offered to take the boys overnight at some point today, so that’ll be nice. Maybe I can get a nap in. Or not. I dunno.

Nothing really exciting to blog about just now. I just thought I’d hop on and write a bit since I had the chance. Evie hasn’t been resting well during the day. She’d wake up nearly every time I’d go to lay her down yesterday, and this is really unlike her. Someone called me a bit ago and we had a nice long phone conversation (about 35 minutes) while I was nursing Evie to sleep. I think I found out why she wasn’t resting well: I wasn’t nursing her long enough. At some point towards the end of our conversation, she stopped nursing on her own and was fast asleep. I layed her down no problems. And she’s still asleep. I keep trying to rush things.

Other things on my mind lately: what diapers I’m ordering, elimination communication, how much caffeine I’m consuming, the baby-weight boot camp I just said I’d do in October (which starts at 6am!) and how to make some extra money. I’ve been trying to come up with some ideas for things to make and sell (on Etsy or otherwise), so I’m a bit stressed about finding the time to actually do that.

So it goes.

But it’s Friday, and that’s happy.

The count is staggering.

Between my two year old and my 10.5 week old, we used 14 disposable diapers, 25 disposable wipes and two changes of clothes. My 2 year old’s diaper leaked this morning at 4 am, warranting a change of clothes, and Evie had an epic blowout this afternoon.

14 diapers. 25 wipes. In the landfill. For hundreds of years.

And this? Is only day one.

But to make sure it’s not a total loss, I’m planning on keeping up with how many I use and how many wipes I use. Then, after I get my new fluff, I’ll be keeping track of that for the same amount of time, and I’ll be able to show a real-world comparison of cloth vs. disposables. It’s easy to say “oh, I’ll say my toddler will use 6 diapers a day, etc. and therefore I’m saving 42 diapers/week from the landfill.” But in reality, diapering is varied day by day and you never really know how many you’d be saving unless you count.

And so far, the ‘sposie situation isn’t looking pretty. The count is high. So high. And it’s only 1:30.

I’m so not happy about this. But, I did get a pretty good bit of money from my old stash to go toward a new one. And after that, my friends, there’ll be no disposables in my future.

_____

In other news, some lady on Twitter yesterday totally made me feel like shit. She proceeded to tell me that I’d better be getting my tubes tied because I’m always complaining about my kids and I’m always stressed and I need a job, and I’m apparently “not a disciplinarian.” What? How does she gather that my kids aren’t disciplined just from some tweets?! I complain about their behavior, but it doesn’t mean they’re out of control or that I let them run over me. She replied, “I run a tight ship.” But does she have kids? No. So what ship, exactly, does she run? She’s not even married. Or in a long term relationship. What ship?

When she posed the tubal question, I told her that we were planning a vasectomy and that Evie is our last child, but I also added that it was a little sad. She retorted with some comment about “being realistic.” She said you shouldn’t have a lot of kids unless you can afford nannies, etc. But whatever.

Anyway, it got to me. So thanks. Now I feel guilty every time I get stressed.

_____

Please check back for the disposable count. It’s sad.

I speak in the past tense because yesterday, in the mail, I received a letter saying I hadn’t gotten the job. This letter came after I’d been calling and emailing for over a week with no response. What’s so hard about returning a phone call or email? I think it’s cowardice.

Why didn’t I get the job? The letter stated they’d chosen someone “whose education, background and skills more closely matched our needs.” Basically, I’m overeducated. I’m overqualified. And I don’t fit their needs.

I thought their needs were as simple as needing a warm body to vacuum, dust flat surfaces and take out the trash. (As stated in the Craigslist posting) Apparently, like the trash I’d be taking out, that’s a load.

Now, mind you, I only have an Associates Degree. And yes it’s in Fashion Design. But I’m a stay at home Mom. Cleaning is my thing. I do it constantly. I feel that more than fills the skills portion. I have worked for couture boutiques, I’ve been the administrator for a fine jewler. I interned with a crazy Polish lady making couture wedding gowns in England for a little while…I interned as a production assistant/stylist assistant for a production company. I was an entire creative department’s assistant. All completely unrelated jobs. I get that.

And yet, following the interview, I was sent for a drug test. I figured it meant I was going to get hired. I mean, I know I passed. The man interviewing me was very friendly and we even talked about his wife, who was also a stay at home mother two small children.

I noticed, in the family portrait on his desk, that they were Pentecostal. You see that quite frequently in this area. I grew up with a good friend who was a Pentecostal preacher’s son. But what does that mean? Nothing really. Other than he may (or may not) be a Fundamentalist. If he is a Fundamentalist, it would probably lead him to not hire me, because he feels I shouldn’t be working outside of the home.

I feel that’s why I wasn’t chosen.

To be fair, I realize I’m making some assumptions. And I have no quams with Fundamentalists (I love the Duggars, yo!)…until it interferes with me getting the job I wanted.

Now it could just be that I didn’t get the job because I really am overeducated. But is that not just about the dumbest reason to not get a job? I realize I have a degree and I went to college and I used to have a salary and blah, blah, blah…but if I want to scrub floors and vacuum for a living now, what’s that to you?

However, the application and job posting clearly states that they are an Equal Opportunity Employer. Do you think I got an Equal Opportunity?

Everything has been going alright. I ordered some cloth dipes to try from this online store. I ordered an array of pockets to try. My thought is that I’m going to simplify our stash into one type so that I do not confuse my husband any more than I need to. Just yesterday he put a fitted diaper on Jude sans cover. Pee everywhere. Good thing it holds quite a bit of pee.

The lady that runs the online store also offers store credit for your old diapers. I wrote her with what I have and took some pics and she got back to me promptly saying that I’d receive $98 store credit. Which is great. Until I totaled up what I could get individually for them if selling them myself. I’d get about $271. Big difference. But the thing is finding someone to buy them.

So that’s got me stressed.

And then I’m trying to figure out what type of diaper I’m going to pick. The pockets are so nice and easy, but so pricey. Paying $20+ per diaper is a big deal. There’s a cheaper brand another blogger recommended to me, but my fear is that they’re cheap for a reason: sweat shop. So while the price is attractive, I feel that the means may not be. I’m really thinking that I may actually end up going with a great fitted and cover system. That way I still get the goodness of using wool at night and around the house…as well as easy to use covers. The system I’m looking at offers both one size covers and one size hybrid contour-style diapers. I’d get more bang for my buck. Then I can add some pockets or AIOs to my stash for out and about diapering.

So many choices.

But if you are interested in buying any diapers, I’m your girl! Just email me!

Until then,

Peace, love and fluffy butts!

Yesterday, the boys and I made these while Evie hung out in the wrap. They’re super yummy and are dairy and animal product-free. It’s obviously important to me that it be dairy-free (as well as wheat, oat and egg-free) because of Jude’s food allergies. For that reason (or if you’re vegan), you’ll want to be sure you find a soy yogurt that contains non-dairy cultures. Some soy yogurt brands do contain dairy. So beware. Of course, if you haven’t any food allergies and you’re not vegan, you could certainly use regular yogurt.

You’ll need the following:

Popsicle mold (mine makes 6)

1 Cup Blueberries
1/2 Cup Sugar
1/4 Cup water
1 Cup plain Soy Yogurt
1 Banana, sliced

In a small non-stick pan, combine the blueberries, sugar and water. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Boil for 5 minutes, set aside.

In a blender, combine the yogurt, banana and blueberry mixture. Blend for about 30 seconds, or until homogeneous. Pour the mixture into the popsicle molds and freeze for at least 5 hours.

Super yummy!

Breastfeeding isn’t easy. It’s not always fun. Sometimes, it downright hurts. These pictures of Madonna and Child that feature mother and her cherub-like, serene offspring happily suckling? That’s just pure fiction…at least for the mother who experiences a forceful, overactive let down reflex.

Which I do.

I can remember nursing Jude for the first little while. My attempt at nursing Adrien had failed and I was determined with a capital D to breastfeed Jude. Everything went great for the first week or so…he latched on directly after birth…and then it started. He would pull off the breast screaming, milk covering his face. He would choke, gag and cough during feedings. He was fighting with my boobs. I mean, seriously. He would claw at them and scream while simultaneously trying to swallow. He was not a happy camper.

I spoke with a lactation consultant, and after some research of my own, I discovered what our problem was: I was having too forceful of letdowns. Instead of a nice trickle of milk coming into his poor little mouth, my boobs were unleashing Niagara Falls. He couldn’t keep up with what my body was giving him. To compound this problem, I had an oversupply issue (too much milk) and I was having too many let downs (overactive let downs).

These peaceful scenes of mother and child were not happening. It was almost violent. It was frustrating. It was tiring. We got through it somehow. And thank goodness babies grow: they do, eventually, get to a point where they demand Niagara Falls, but getting to that point felt like forever. I did block feedings to combat the oversupply. I would just flat out take him off the breast during let downs to try to navigate Niagara…which made feeding in public an atrocity. My body eventually leveled out and our nursing relationship continued for 16 months.

So here I am. Evie was born hungry. She’s been a great nurser from the start. Having not been too terribly long ago since I weaned Jude, it took just a little over a day before I had a full supply of milk for her. She only ever lost 6oz of her birth weight. I’m almost one month in. And here we are. Choking, gagging, clawing…fighting feedings.

I just don’t know if I can do this again.

I finally broke down and fed her a bottle of pumped milk earlier. It’s the happiest feeding we’ve had in quite a while. She’s been getting to where she won’t even take a whole feeding because it’s such total chaos. Feeds take forever because she gasps in so much air while trying to keep up with the milk flow, that she needs to burp every two or three minutes.

I’m seriously contemplating just switching to pumping full time.

—-

I have the best friends ever. And the best husband ever.

This past month and a half or so, I’ve been in a fog. Not just because I’ve had a new baby: it started before I had her. I wouldn’t call it baby blues or postpartum depression. I’d just say I’ve been down. Probably hormones. Quarter life crisis. I dunno. Anyway, I’ve not been feeling like myself.

This past weekend was my birthday weekend. It fell on Sunday this year. Saturday I put a call in to my Mom for some chit chat and also to see if she wanted to meet me halfway between her house and mine (she lives about two hours away) for lunch. She blew me off. Said she had some work to catch up on that weekend. I got off the phone and cried.

A little while later, my phone rang and it was the apartment’s gate calling so I could allow access to whoever had typed in our apartment number. I buzzed the person in; I thought it was Andi’s Mom dropping by to see Evie and the boys. In walks my Mom and Stepdad. Andi knew I’d been missing my Mom and had arranged to have her come into town so I could see her and have lunch. He even went so far as to ask his parents to watch the boys for a while so I could go out to lunch with her and actually eat food that was hot. No fighting children; no fighting with children to eat their food…no sharing my plate with a munchkin. Lunch in peace.

I was feeding Evie at the time my Mom walked in and I started crying. Andi was terribly confused I guess. Has he never heard of happy tears?

So we enjoyed a late lunch at Texas Roadhouse and I got to have one of their awesome loaded sweet potatoes….and I had sweet tea for the first time in ages. I got to spend time with my Mom. That’s something I’ve needed for a while.

What an amazing birthday present.

And then on Sunday, my actual birthday, just when I thought my festivities were over, Andi and my best friend Amy (along with a boat load of our other friends) threw me a surprise shindig at our friend Angela’s house. Andi had said Angela wanted us to come over for lunch after church. So that’s what we did. Immediately upon entering her house, I saw streamers. They were hanging from the wall, the ceiling fan (I kept thinking don’t turn it on, don’t turn it on)…and then from the dining room I heard a roar of Surprise! I even got a card featuring a poster of Edward and Jacob (Twilight). Ha! I do watch the movies and read the books, but it was a bit of a joke. Everyone signed the card and it contained a gift card to a salon. I’ve been whining about a hair cut for quite a while now: my friends are treating me to one.

It was an awesome time. I’m so blessed to have such an amazing group of friends that care so much.

Thanks to everyone who came. If you’re reading this, it meant more to me than you probably know. I love you guys.